Post #2 or Poop in the Library

This is my go-to story whenever someone asks me about the weirdest thing I've ever encountered. A couple of years back I was wandering around campus during my prep hour when I happened to stop into the library. Chit chat with the librarian ensued when all of a sudden we both stopped due to a very un-library like aroma hitting our nostrils. This wasn't a smell that you could pretend wasn't there. We're looking around for the culprit when Library Lady (LL) actually asks me, "Was that you?". I gave her a smirk that conveyed "Whoever smelt it, dealt it."

Having ruled each other out as the perpetrator, I was beginning to wonder if somehow a dog was able to sneak into the building, drop a load, roll around in it, and vanish into thin air without anyone noticing. There was a PE class in one corner listening to a guest speaker, but this stench was more bathroom than locker room. As I stepped out from behind the library desk, there it was. A pile of poop. In the middle of the floor. I motioned for LL to come check it out and verify that I wasn't hallucinating. She concurred. A pile of poop. In the middle of the floor. As we stood in silence pondering what exactly to do about it, LL spies another pile a few feet away. We start walking, following the piles of poop like bread crumbs. There were several little neat piles of what we assumed to be human excrement that lead from the students to the door. I didn't recall seeing any naked children who decided at an advanced age that using the toilet was too much effort, so how the poop got there remained a mystery. Another mystery was how in light of the growing stench that 40 teenagers managed to stay in their seats and not jump up and shout, "OMG, there's crap on the FLOOR!".LL ran back to her desk to call our trusty custodian (TC)who I'm sure would have never taken the job if he knew in advance that it would entail this level of nastiness. TC arrives quickly and throws some kitty litter down.

At this point, the bell rings and kids start to leave. No one says much as they go out the door, but on the way back to my classroom I hear from no fewer than three students the name of the pooper and the method of deposit. Apparently, a kid was sick and waited a little too long to head to the bathroom. A sick stomach and loose shorts resulted in an interesting afternoon.

Post #1

Welcome to Classroom Underground! A place for long-suffering teachers to share their heart-warming, inspirational, motivational stories of student interaction. HA! If that's what you're looking for, go buy one of the gazillion "Words of Wisdom" for the teacher books. I've got so many of those things, I could use the pages to wipe my ass until I retire. This blog is devoted to unmitigated snark. I'm going to post stories that'll make you wonder how it is humanly possible to get up and go to school everyday knowing the level of stupidity I am likely to encounter. I would also like to invite the brave souls out there to share their stories with me as well. Make sure to clean 'em up so no one gets sued!